Monday, December 24, 2012

Special Spotlight : Ebook 12 Precious Anecdotes From Life - Free download dates

Dear readers and visitors to blog Wonderworld,

This Christmas, author Payal Roy pesents you with a very special Ebook titled 12 PRECIOUS ANECDOTES FROM LIFE from Amazon Kindle Stores.  This book has received 15 diverse reviews so far with avg 4.5-5 stars. Author Payal Roy presently writes in the genres of short stories and poems. Her stories explore themes of fiction, fantasy, morals and values as well as vibrant imagination.

Let's hear what author Roy has to share with her readers about the Ebook 12 Precious Anecdotes from Life at Amazon Stores.

From the author's desk :  Author Roy wishes you Merry Christmas and a very happy and prosperous New Year in advance. She presents you with this special Ebook whose cover and achievements are mentioned below.

FREE DOWNLOAD - Dec 25 thru Dec 27, 2012 (Click on this link to go to Amazon book page) : "12 Precious Anecdotes from Life" will go free for everyone across all Amazon Stores this Christmas from Dec 25 - Dec 27 , 2012. So here is your wonderful chance to download this free Ebook to your newly received Kindles and gift this Ebook to your friends and family!! 

Even if you don't have a kindle, you can always install Free Kindle reading software in your PC, Laptop, iPad etc and download this free kindle book!

Author Roy is most happy when her poetry and short story collections are read by random readers and they choose to leave honest reviews about her works. She values her readers' thoughts and analyses of her work, and continually strives to improve her writing. She requests her readers to kindly leave a review of her book 12 Precious Anecdotes from Life after the free download.


Author :Payal Roy

Genre : Fiction, Morals & Values, Inspirational Short Stories
Reviews :  15 , 5x5stars, 5x4stars, 4x3stars
Amazon Stores :  FREE download from Dec 25 - Dec 27, 2012- Merry Christmas!
Author Facebook Page : 
Blurb : This Ebook of the genre Contemporary fiction-short stories is an inspirational family-friends read with a focus on the dynamic aspects of softer emotions and relationships between people from diverse backgrounds.

Anita Maher is a senior editor at an advertising firm and she leads a regular life. But, there comes a phase in her life when she happens to meet 12 of her friends, in 12 different situations by chance. The ball of fate keeps rolling for these people and each of the 12 protagonists share their tales in the form of 12 stories with Anita.

Anita is surprised to see that they are now not the people as she knew them before. How did they change? What happened to them?

Written in the first person narrative, the 12 stories attempt to give a unique and intriguing account about the dynamic lives of the 12 people and how their tales affect Anita's lifetime. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Book Spotlight : Martin The Christmas Mouse by author Jane Whiteoak

Dear readers, this Christmas the superbly talented author Jane Whiteoak presents you with a beautiful book for children, titled MARTIN THE CHRISTMAS MOUSE.

Martin the Christmas Mouse will go free for everyone across all Amazon Stores from Dec 17 - Dec18 , 2012. So here is your wonderful chance to gift your kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, brothers and sisters this great Children's Book. Download this Free Ebook from Amazon by clicking this link


  Martin the Christmas Mouse-Amazon                         Jane Whiteoak-Amazon

Book Spotlight - Chapter Excerpts


Author : Jane Whiteoak

Genre : Children's Book (4-8 year old)

Publication Date :  Dec 2, 2012

This Ebook will be available as free download from Amazon Kindle Stores from Dec 17- Dec 18, 2012.

Blurb : Martin the Christmas Mouse, is a story about a little mouse named Martin, who lives with his family in a little tiny house, inside of a larger house! His family are busy decorating their little place with holly and twigs, but Martin is much more interested in Mr. Kingsley.He is the owner of the big house and he cannot see as well, as he used to. Martin scurries all over helping the kind old man to find his glasses, to make lunch, find lost angels in the decoration box and even assists in tying up his boots. Mr. Kingsley, has tied the laces together and he could very well have a nasty fall!   Even though, the little mouse always comes to his rescue, the gentle man doesn't know that the tiny mouse exists!  Martin watches, as Mr. Kingsley decorates the house for Christmas and prepares for the arrival of his grandchildren on Christmas Eve. They hang their stockings and excitedly await a visit from Santa Claus and his reindeer. However, it's Martin who's in for a huge surprise on Christmas morning!

Book Chapter Excerpt 

The little mouse nearly flew over the floor and untied the laces and tried very quickly to retie them on each boot, before the man could stand up. He quickly scampered back down the boot as Mr Kingsley slowly stretched his arms, and slowly stood up from the chair.  Martin watched as the man walked safely out the front door, before he scampered back through the gate of his little house to join his family. 

“Well, well”, said Mrs. Mouse, “the children are coming tonight.  I can see that Mr. Kingsley has hung up their stockings.”  

Martin answered, “Yes, he has do you think that Santa will visit us too, Mama?’  

“Visit us here?” she said.  ‘No Martin, Santa Claus doesn’t visit mice and he doesn’t know where we live,” she laughed. 

“Oh,” Martin said sadly. “Could we hang a few little stockings up, just for decoration?”  

“Yes, we can do that, but it is only for decoration, you do understand Martin?  Santa will not be visiting us, he only visits the children,” said his mother. 

Martin slowly nodded his head and began to place two tiny stockings along their teeny, tiny fireplace. Just then he heard the door in the big house close and he scampered out to see Mr. Kingsley with his arms full of presents and the snacks for Santa and the reindeer. 

Then, there was a loud knock on the door and all the grandchildren arrived with their parents. They wished each other a merry Christmas and gathered around the old piano to sing the most beautiful Christmas carols. Martin loved to hear the music and singing so much that he started to hum along as he sat hidden behind the clock, on the piano top.

Then it was time for bed and the children laughed and giggled as they left the cookies, sugar cubes and other treats out for Santa and his reindeer. Martin inched over towards the huge plate by the fire and he wanted to take a little nibble from the delicious cookies...but he didn’t.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Special Spotlight : Thomas and the Lily Pond by author Jane Whiteoak

Dear readers, today's spotlight is about the popular Children's Book titled Thomas and the Lily Pond written by the exceptionally talented author Jane Whiteoak. Please note that Thomas and the Lily Pond will be a FREE DOWNLOAD for everybody for 2 days from Dec 13 - Dec 14, 2012 across all Amazon Stores. Click on this link to go to Amazon book page- FREE BOOK 

Here is a chance to gift your children this exceptional book that tells a wonderful story and enables children to learn what's good and what's right.

Let us read a few thoughts that author Jane Whiteoak has shared with us today.


Author Jane Whiteoak                     Thomas and the Lily Pond at Amazon

 Q. Why have you focused your writing in the children's book genres? Who inspired you for your current creative works? What is so special about Thomas and the Lily Pond?

Author's words -  I have placed my focus on children's books and have thus far stayed with that genre. Perhaps in the future, I may writie a book for Young Adults.

Nature is a great inspiration, I love animals and often wonder if they could speak what would their experiences and life stories be? My grandchildren are an inspiration to me also, particularly the four year old, as children are so open and honest. They'll say anything and question everything! They're completely uninhibited, which is really refreshing. I really enjoy spending time and engaging in conversation with young children, they've yet to be influenced or judged by societal standards.

I would like to thank the readers for taking the time to read this blog and hope that everyone takes bullying very seriously. If a child is bullied, it leaves an indelible impression on them for the rest of their lives. This can impact self esteem, lack of confidence in people, trust issues and ultimately lifestyle choices. Bullying starts at a young age, I've witnessed it and must say that, I was shocked to see this trait amongst three- five yr. old children!

My goal with "Thomas and the Lily Pond", is to reach young children, so that they may become aware of this behaviour and recognise it, if unfortunately confronted by it, through absolutely no fault of their own.

I thank the readers for taking an interest in this subject and really hope that they see, as described in the book, how peer group pressure can also inadvertently, play a role in promoting a bully to an even higher platform. Perhaps this new generation, through knowledge and awareness can eventually eradicate this despicable trait completely.

Connect with Author Jane Whiteoak

Book Spotlight - Chapter Excerpt and Review links


Author : Jane Whiteoak

Genre : Children's Book


Reviews : Multiple 5 stars

Blurb : The book is for children ages 4-6 yrs. old. It can be read to the children in a pre-school/ Kindergarten setting by a teacher or relayed to them as a bedtime story by parents or grandparents.

Thomas and the Lily Pond is about a group of happy and very contented animals living in a forest. Their world is turned upside down by the arrival of a huge frog named Bruno. His primary goal is to take over the lily pond as his new home and to manipulate the group of animals through flattery. Since Thomas the turtle, is the sole occupant in the pond, of which the frog desires, Bruno starts to immediately bully the docile hard working turtle.

 Through peer group pressure the other animals, slowly turn on their once beloved friend. His is left all alone, while the others plot, a midnight food heist under Bruno's direction. Chaos ensues, when they arrive back to the forest, as a wild storm erupts and sweeps them all into the rough, swirling waters of the river and the lily pond. Many cannot swim and call out for help as the only one left on shore is Thomas. He does not hesitate to help his friends and attempts a daring rescue.  The most difficult and dangerous one of all to save from drowning is Bruno, the nasty, bullying frog!

Book Chapter Excerpt

Binnie and Corinna flew on ahead, high over the tree tops, keeping a watchful eye on their friends walking beneath them. Spike and Roman led the entire group. Spike was very certain that he could defend them all from any strangers. Roman, also felt very important, as he would be a hero by taking this great big bag, piled to the very top with delicious food.

Sammy and Rupert scurried quickly, marching on either side of the skunk and raccoon. They ran ahead, then back and forth, all the while trying to hurry everyone along. There was enough star light shining through the evening sky for them to see the forest path. They crossed under the berry patch leading to the ditch, and marched along the road.

Princeton was at the very end, as he was much slower than the others. The animals all trudged along and trudged along and trudged along.  

While marching, Sammy suddenly had a thought and said, “It’s too bad, that Thomas could not come with us, and he would have so much fun!”
“You heard what Bruno said, Thomas is too pokey!” called out Spike.
“Anyway,” answered Roman, “I’m doing the work here. I can carry it all by myself, we don’t need Thomas!”
“Still, he is a hard worker, and our friend. Maybe he would have liked to come along?” sighed Rupert
“No,” said Roman. “We don’t need him with us, didn’t you listen to Bruno? I’m doing this job!”

The group finally stopped walking as they had arrived at the place, marked with an “X” on the map. Binnie and Corinna soared high above the city houses watching for strangers, while Roman eyed the enormous bag, set inside a large metal can.

“This is it!” said Roman, in a very excited whisper.
“SH-SH-SH-SH,” said Sammy, all the while jumping up and down in delight. “Someone might hear us!”

It was dark outside now, the only light came from the houses, along the tree-lined street. They were at the end of a very long driveway. Roman got a grip on the large can while he carefully began to climb slowly upward. He grasped the middle of the big handle and up, up he went. As he was nearing the top, to remove the lid and look inside, the great big container suddenly began to SWAY… BACK AND FORTH, BACK

“Look out, look out,” shouted Rupert.
“It’s falling, it’s falling!” shouted Sammy.
Sure enough, the enormous tin toppled over with Roman now lying underneath it. The bag opened up and pieces of food started to spill out all over the street!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Book Spotlight : Why She Left Us by author David Dennis

Dear readers, today's book spotlight is on a recently released soft, romantic contemporary fiction titled "Why She Left Us" by author David Dennis. This novel is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon stores.

From the author's desk 

David Dennis (pen name for David D. D'Aguanno) is a retired English teacher who did most of his writing during the 1980s while on summer vacations. Upon the urging of various friends and relatives, he has recently reworked his earlier writings and is now making them available to a wider audience. The author has also written a series of comedy-mysteries featuring a character by the name of Brett Cornell ("Brett Gets Hammered" & others), which interested readers can find on various sites (Amazon, Barnes & Noble) as well. 

Connect with author David Dennis
Twitter:  @DaveDAguanno

Book Spotlight : Online purchase links, excerpt highlights


Author : David Dennis

Genre : Contemporary Fiction

Publication Date : December 3, 2012 at Amazon

Amazon Kindle store :

Excerpt from Why She Left Us
    There is no reason for it either. It’s unfathomable, inexplicable that this love should have come over me as it has; and just as I expected, I am unable to deal with it and have now begun to wonder if I should seek to cast it off as an undesirable invasion of the safety and serenity that have always clothed my existence up until now. I know nothing of such matters. I am completely naïve and inexperienced as to the ways a woman adopts in her efforts to please the man she loves. This feeling I have within me may very well never even have the chance to blossom forth, as I am sure my sheer ineptitude and awkwardness will doom it to failure.

    Oh, dear Lord, what am I to do? I have spent this entire day thinking about him, fantasizing what it will be like when he returns – if he returns! But nothing material has resulted from any of this. I am alone in this house right now, just as I was alone all day long, although a number of familiar faces were around me from time to time. I am still alone, and I long for the unexpected, knowing that I am doomed in so wishing something to happen that will, no doubt, never happen at all.

    He will not come back. This longing inside of me will never be appeased. It will simply remain there, stagnant and distressing and unsettling – yet, at the same time, so sweet and uplifting that it frightens me. When I woke early this morning and realized that I had actually fallen in love with him, I had such an extreme desire to do some good on this earth. I sprang out of bed, threw on some rags, and went outside to do the gardening that Wayne was to have done. I would have painted the whole house, too, except that he had taken everything with him in his van when he left our house yesterday, and I didn’t have enough money to go to the hardware store. And since it was Saturday, I couldn’t gain access to the money I have in my account.

   So, I just went out there on my hands and knees and did all the gardening that needed to be done. I even relished doing it, too, because I kept saying to myself: If Wayne does come back and finds that I’ve done all of the gardening for him, maybe he’ll smile at me. God, he might even look right at me. Then I would see the color of his eyes and the glow of his emotions and the piercing and blinding light of his soul. Maybe he’ll come back here unexpectedly and find me here on my hands and knees. And maybe he’ll then put his strong, pure hands under my elbows and lift me up from the ground and tell me that I have found favor in his sight. In his sight, yes, because he’ll be looking directly into my eyes as he tells me this. And then I’ll laugh and tell him that I’m doing all of this for him and that, in doing it for him, it affords me the greatest possible joy. And then it’ll be his turn to laugh, and he’ll suggest that we do the rest of the gardening together, and the two of us will sink to our hands and knees and dip our hands into the dirt. Together.

    Later on, I fancied, I would step into the garden against the side of the house while Wayne wasn’t looking. In that garden grow the most gentle and delicate white roses I have ever seen. There is one in particular that is scarcely more than a bud, but it is pure and unblemished and, as yet, untouched by human hands. That is the rose I would pluck, while he wasn’t looking, and it is that rose that I would offer him, quietly and gently, without having to say a single word to him because my soul, not my lips, would be speaking to him as I extended the pure, white rose and watched him take it from me and place it between the curls of his blond hair. And it would stay there for the next few days so that I could always see it there and be reminded of the beautiful intimacy of that moment.

    We both would be silent, too, if by chance we were to find a fresh, clear fountain of distilled water in an imaginary park very far from here – a park that exists only in one’s dreams. We would dip our hands into the fountain and cleanse them of all of the soil from the garden. Then, still without saying a word, I would dip my whole body into that holy fountain so that all my past sins would be wiped away; and in that one instant, I could stand before him in total purity, I myself a pure, white rose freshly plucked, and I would extend my heart to him and watch silently as he took it and pressed it against his own, and our two hearts would be joined forever.

    I would like to kiss the earth at this time; and if it were humanly possible, I would kiss the sun. There is so much that is beautiful, so much that is heart-stopping in its gorgeous simplicity, so much that I want to share with this man. If God would only let me have the opportunity to do this! If only I could see him again! Just once! I want to open so many doors for him. I want him to be able to see the light of Heaven, to breathe its untainted scent into his lungs, and to hear the divine music that is now in my soul – the music that is known only to angels. I want to give him my hands so that he can press them between his own, my face so that he can hold it against his chest, my heart so that he can consecrate it with his love, and my soul so that he can unite it with his own. These are the fantasies and dreams that form the substance of my longing – a longing which my rational mind tells me can never be pacified. Not in the real world we are all forced to inhabit.

Friday, November 30, 2012


Recently blog Wonderworld came across the website Technorati and was amazed to see such a wonderful site listing thousands of blog urls to be placed in their huge and diverse blog directory. There are multiple categories to choose from where the blog can be featured. Technorati is a cool site, simple to use and update, and also search for any idea or information across any category or genre of choice. SK9XA3AAK8G8  Blog Wonderworld would recommend Technorati to anyone interested in increasing their reach and learning new ideas and information from a multitude of social media blogsites available there.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Book Spotlight : Stranger in Town ( A Sloane Monroe Mystery) by best selling author Cheryl Bradshaw

Dear readers and fans of author Cheryl Bradshaw's Sloane Monroe Mystery Series,

Blog Wonderworld brings you another exciting news today! Today's book spotlight is on an intriguing, fast-paced and a thrilling novel filled with action and a "sitting on an edge read"  from the Amazon bestseller Sloan Monroe Mystery series brilliantly created by best-selling author Cheryl Bradshaw - Her latest novel in the series is titled STRANGER IN TOWN

FREE! This latest novel in the Sloane Monroe Mystery Series is FREE for everyone at Amazon from Nov 30 through Dec 2, 2012. Click on this link to go directly to Amazon Book page

Read a blurb from this novel posted in this blog along with links to the author's website, purchase links to the bookstore, and links to multiple star reviews that this novel has received. 

AUTHOR LINKS : Connect with author Cheryl Bradshaw

Cheryl Bradshaw is an Amazon Kindle Best-Selling Author in Mystery: Hard-Boiled and Thriller: Spy Stories & Tales of Intrigue.

Author page:

Author Blog :
Twitter handle: @cherylbradshaw

Facebook :!/CherylBradshawBooks

Author Website : 

Book Spotlight - A Sloane Monroe Thriller

Ebook: STRANGER IN TOWN ( A Sloane Monroe Mystery)

Publication Date : Nov 11, 2012

Genre :  Mystery/Thriller

Author : Cheryl Bradshaw 

Amazon :

Digital ASIN: B00A6302TA

Reviews : Multiple 5 stars Amazon Reviews 

Blurb : He only needed her to look away for a few seconds...

Six-year-old Olivia Hathaway tiptoes down the center aisle of Maybelle's Market, stopping once to glance over her shoulder and make sure her mother isn't watching. But Mrs. Hathaway is too preoccupied to notice her daughter has slipped away. Moments later, a frantic Mrs. Hathaway runs up and down the aisles, desperately searching for her missing daughter. But little Olivia is already in the arms of a stranger. Will PI Sloane Monroe find Olivia before it's too late?

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Book Spotlight : “You Are Not a Planet and Other Stories” by author Sean Manseau

Today's spotlight is on author Sean Manseau's exceptional and thrilling book "You are not a Planet and other stories", which is already making its successful presence in the world of Young Adult, Science Fiction and Fantasy genres. 

From the author's desk : My Ebook You are Not a Planet and Other Stories is Free today Nov 22 - Nov 23 on the occasion of Thanksgiving. Download this Free Ebook as well as gift your loved ones from the Amazon store by clicking on this link.

AUTHOR LINKS : Connect with author Sean Manseau

Author Page at Amazon : Books by Sean Manseau  

Facebook Page :

Book Spotlight

Ebook : YOU ARE NOT A PLANET and Other Stories

Genre : Science Fiction, Young Adult, Thriller, Short Stories

Author : Sean Manseau

Amazon Store  

Reviews : Multiple 5stars 

Blurb : SHUDDER... as Tom, magical creature and budding romance novelist, must battle to save the life of the man he hates most from elder god The One Who Laughs!

THRILL... to the adventures of young Prince Cazimir as he fights to save his nanny, Boris the Ice Bat, from becoming a breakfast for anarchists in "Kidnapped! By Cossacks!" 

WONDER... as the planet-eating Spacelord gambles everything in a desperate attempt to regain a lost love!

GASP... when you turn the book's final page and learn the fate of super-powered, super-heartbroken Planet Steve...and the rest of humanity as well. 

My Dear Veronica,
Because I am one of the world’s best-selling romance novelists, I get a lot of mail. Perfumed flattery, most of it. Lonely women send me fan letters or marriage proposals accompanied by risqué self-portraits. Occasionally the post delivers something disturbing, such as the box of homemade, blood-filled chocolates once gifted me by an especially ardent admirer. In any event, I reply only with an autographed headshot. I sign them, May the arrows of Eros find their mark for you. Bonne chance, Tom Rimbaud.
However, your note, and the difficult circumstances you describe, touched me. To wit: your husband has promised violent retribution should you continue “wasting time” pursuing your literary ambitions. Veronica, I am writing to tell you, you are not alone. I too know what it’s like to have dreams threatened by a tyrant. And so I’ve decided to share with you the story of my escape, in the hope it will inspire your own.
Would it shock you to learn that I, two-time finalist for the Romance Novelists’ Association’s Writer of the Year award, the author of The Indiscreet Infanta, The Sweetest Taboo, and The Ghost Who Warms My Bed, have been accomplice to many acts of rape, mutilation, and ritual murder? I’m afraid it’s true. If I were a man, my soul would be surely be destined for Hell. But I am not a man. The Cro-Magnon in rimless spectacles from my author portrait?  A model my literary agent met on Fire Island. Not me at all. Not even the same species.
No, a tulpa, the Tibetans would call me: a thought made concrete, a manifested fantasy. I am an unnatural creature imagined into being by a man named Charles Kraft. A master of the blackest magickal arts, Kraft conjured me to be his private joke, his butler, his scapegoat and patsy. But mostly I was created because he needed someone to curate his books.
Sitting atop a Queen Anne house on San Francisco's Fell St., our attic apartment was crammed front-to-back, floor-to-ceiling with Kraft’s library. Books were stacked on every countertop, spilled from the unused oven, and moldered in the bathroom’s clawfoot bathtub. Ancient and crumbling, stained and sticky, the volumes numbered in the tens of thousands, so many the old man had forgotten half of what he owned. Would that I could forget now! What compendiums of horror I catalogued and cross-referenced, what atlases of the unspeakable. They had titles the sensible are afraid to repeat above a whisper: the Daemonolatreia, the Malleus Maleficarum, the Unausprechlichen Kulten. Veronica, I must confess that even decades later and a thousand miles away, typing those words makes my scruff stand stiff.
These works Kraft had collected mostly by murder, murders I abetted by anticipating his every desire as he summoned infernal assassins to do his bidding. During sacrificial ceremonies I was always on hand with a hypodermic needle, or sharp knife, or cold beer, and always, the right book, open to just the instructions needed to corral a particularly unruly demon. Afterward I mopped the blood, swept up the viscera, and disposed of the bodies, so the old man could get back to watching his endless marathons of “Law and Order”. Yes, I was vital to his work, and for nearly thirty years I had served him gladly, without question. Until the day I first emerged from the fetid pleroma of the old man’s unconscious control to realize I had desires of my own…

Amazon Reviews view here 

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Book Spotlight - Stairlift to Heaven 2 (Further up the Stairlift) by best selling author Terry Ravenscroft

Dear readers, today, we are privileged to present a book spotlight about a best seller bound entertainment and a humorous Kindle book : Stairlift to Heaven 2 – Further up the Stairlift written by author Terry Ravenscroft. This latest release is an extension of its best selling predecessor Stairlift to Heaven that garnered 106 reviews of which 76x5star reviews at Amazon UK.

Author Terry Ravenscroft has 16 books to his credit which are available across all Amazon Stores, some of which like the Stairlift to Heaven series are best sellers in their respective genres.

AUTHOR LINKS : Connect with Author Terry Ravenscroft

Terry Ravenscroft is a well known former scriptwriter to Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd, Alas Smith and Jones and many more top comedians and television shows. He now writes comedy and humorous books.

Author Page at Amazon

Website :

Twitter Handle : @terryrazz

Facebook page : 

Stairlift to Heaven Series- Book Spotlight

Ebook : STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN 2 - Further Up The Stairlift

Genre : Comedy, Humour, Entertainment

Author : Terry Ravenscroft

UK Amazon :

US Amazon :

Reviews : Multiple 4-5stars

Blurb : A further volume chronicling the life of an old age pensioner. As with its 76 x 5 Star Reviews predecessor Stairlift to Heaven those people of non-coffin dodging age should not be put off by this. 

Everyone will be old someday, if they’re lucky, and there are valuable lessons to be learned here in coping with old age, as well as dogs and dog walking, horses, faith healers, gipsies, solicitors, council officials, busybodies and sundry other nuisances, plus advice on hoovering, letter writing, mounting a defence should you be taken to court, coping with being sentenced to Community Service (if your defence, like the writer's, proves to be inadequate), how to get the best of, and avoid the worst of, a holiday in Turkey, what to do should your home be burgled, what to do if your bank has 'good news' for you and lots, lots more.

Written by Terry Ravenscroft, former scriptwriter to Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd, Alas Smith and Jones and many more top comedians and television shows. 

Excerpt from Stairlift to Heaven 2 (Further up the Stairlift) 

April 1 2011. WATER.

It was a dark and stormy night. Actually it wasn’t dark and stormy when The Trouble and I, accompanied by Atkins and his wife Meg, set out for the pub.

But it very soon was. “Just an April shower,” I said, making light of it when it started to rain after we’d been walking for a few minutes.

“More like an April monsoon,” said The Trouble, a few minutes later, when not only had the shower failed to stop but had turned into a downpour.

It absolutely lashed down. Our destination, The Fox in the hamlet of Brookbottom, was just a mile away. If it had been ten miles away at the bottom of a lake we couldn’t have been wetter when we eventually arrived there.

For the last day or so the weather had been cold, given the time of year, so it was some consolation that there was a roaring fire in the lounge bar which would allow us to dry our outer garments. When we had placed them on the backs of chairs positioned round the fire a welcome round of drinks was called for.

“What are you having, Razza?” asked Atkins. “The usual?”

I nodded.

He turned to The Trouble. “How about you, Delma?”

“A gin and tonic please, Richard.”

“And for you Meg?”

Atkins’s wife thought about it for a moment. “I think I’ll just have a water.”

On hearing this Atkins just didn’t hit the roof. He went completely through it and a hundred feet up into the air. When he came down, no less apoplectic than when he went up, he shot daggers at Meg and said: “You bloody well will not have a water!”

Meg was at a loss. “Why not?”

“Why not? I’ll tell you why not. Because I’ve just walked through about a million gallons of the bloody stuff, that’s why not. I’m soaked to the skin with water. And you think I’m going to buy it? Well you’ve got another think coming!”

“That’s not water, it’s rain,” scoffed Meg.

“And where do you think water comes from?” said Atkins, like a ratty teacher addressing the class dunce.

Meg ignored his sarcasm. “Besides, it’s a mineral water I want. Buxton Water.”

“It probably is from bloody Buxton.” Atkins could have been right; the spa town of Buxton is only about ten miles to the south east as the crow flies and the wind was blowing hard from that direction.

“Yes but it won’t have minerals in it, will it?” Meg pointed out, as intent on getting her water as Atkins was to deny it her.

“Then I’ll piss in it for you,” said Atkins

Meg’s pained expression indicated that this wasn’t an addition she would welcome. An impasse having been reached The Trouble entered into the conversation. “What will you be drinking, Richard?”

“Not bloody water,” said Atkins.

“What then?”

“A pint of bitter.”

“Beer is ninety per cent water,” said The Trouble, matter-of-fact.

Meg shot a smug, triumphant smile at her husband.

“I’ll have a Scotch then,” said Atkins, and said to Meg: “So you can take that superior grin off your face.”

“Spirits are the same,” said The Trouble. “Ninety per cent water. If you have either beer or whisky you’ll be ninety per cent as guilty of drinking water as Meg is.”

At this point I had a King Solomon moment. “Why don’t you,” I said, addressing myself to Meg, “have a pint of bitter, but just drink ninety per cent of it?”

Then to Atkins I said: “And why don’t you have a pint of bitter and just drink ten per cent of it?”

Atkins had a Gordon Ramsey moment. “Why don’t you fuck off one hundred per cent and mind your own fucking business?”

In the end Meg had to go to the bar and buy her own water. Atkins told her he hoped it choked her. A couple of hours later, watered, if that’s an appropriate expression given the circumstances, our clothes dry again, we emerged from The Fox. It was still raining but not nearly as fiercely as it had been when we arrived there. The wind was still coming from the direction of Buxton. I thought of suggesting to Meg that if she walked along with her mouth open she could get some free Buxton Water but decided against it in case it got Atkins going again.

Amazon UK Reviews

Amazon US Reviews