Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Monday, June 24, 2013

A great free summer read - Thomas and the Lily Pond by author Jane Whiteoak

Dear readers, today's spotlight is about the popular Children's Book titled Thomas and the Lily Pond written by the exceptionally talented author Jane Whiteoak. Please note that Thomas and the Lily Pond will be a FREE DOWNLOAD for everybody for 4 days from June 25 - June 28, 2013 across all Amazon Stores. Click on this link to go to Amazon book page- FREE BOOK 

Here is a chance to gift your children, your little niece or nephew, your little grandchild this summer, an exceptional book that tells a wonderful story and enables children to learn what's good and what's right.

Let us read a few thoughts that author Jane Whiteoak has shared with us today.


 

Author Jane Whiteoak                     Thomas and the Lily Pond at Amazon

 Q. Why have you focused your writing in the children's book genres? Who inspired you for your current creative works? What is so special about Thomas and the Lily Pond?

Author's words -  I have placed my focus on children's books and have thus far stayed with that genre. Perhaps in the future, I may writie a book for Young Adults.
 

Nature is a great inspiration, I love animals and often wonder if they could speak what would their experiences and life stories be? My grandchildren are an inspiration to me also, particularly the four year old, as children are so open and honest. They'll say anything and question everything! They're completely uninhibited, which is really refreshing. I really enjoy spending time and engaging in conversation with young children, they've yet to be influenced or judged by societal standards.

I would like to thank the readers for taking the time to read this blog and hope that everyone takes bullying very seriously. If a child is bullied, it leaves an indelible impression on them for the rest of their lives. This can impact self esteem, lack of confidence in people, trust issues and ultimately lifestyle choices. Bullying starts at a young age, I've witnessed it and must say that, I was shocked to see this trait amongst three- five yr. old children!

My goal with "Thomas and the Lily Pond", is to reach young children, so that they may become aware of this behaviour and recognise it, if unfortunately confronted by it, through absolutely no fault of their own.

I thank the readers for taking an interest in this subject and really hope that they see, as described in the book, how peer group pressure can also inadvertently, play a role in promoting a bully to an even higher platform. Perhaps this new generation, through knowledge and awareness can eventually eradicate this despicable trait completely.



Connect with Author Jane Whiteoak



Book Spotlight - Chapter Excerpt and Review links



Ebook : THOMAS AND THE LILY POND

Author : Jane Whiteoak

Genre : Children's Book


FREE DOWNLOAD - June 25 - June 28, 2013 AT AMAZON KINDLE STORES

Reviews : Multiple 5 stars




  
Blurb : The book is for children ages 4-6 yrs. old. It can be read to the children in a pre-school/ Kindergarten setting by a teacher or relayed to them as a bedtime story by parents or grandparents.

Thomas and the Lily Pond is about a group of happy and very contented animals living in a forest. Their world is turned upside down by the arrival of a huge frog named Bruno. His primary goal is to take over the lily pond as his new home and to manipulate the group of animals through flattery. Since Thomas the turtle, is the sole occupant in the pond, of which the frog desires, Bruno starts to immediately bully the docile hard working turtle.

 Through peer group pressure the other animals, slowly turn on their once beloved friend. His is left all alone, while the others plot, a midnight food heist under Bruno's direction. Chaos ensues, when they arrive back to the forest, as a wild storm erupts and sweeps them all into the rough, swirling waters of the river and the lily pond. Many cannot swim and call out for help as the only one left on shore is Thomas. He does not hesitate to help his friends and attempts a daring rescue.  The most difficult and dangerous one of all to save from drowning is Bruno, the nasty, bullying frog!




Book Chapter Excerpt

Binnie and Corinna flew on ahead, high over the tree tops, keeping a watchful eye on their friends walking beneath them. Spike and Roman led the entire group. Spike was very certain that he could defend them all from any strangers. Roman, also felt very important, as he would be a hero by taking this great big bag, piled to the very top with delicious food.

Sammy and Rupert scurried quickly, marching on either side of the skunk and raccoon. They ran ahead, then back and forth, all the while trying to hurry everyone along. There was enough star light shining through the evening sky for them to see the forest path. They crossed under the berry patch leading to the ditch, and marched along the road.

Princeton was at the very end, as he was much slower than the others. The animals all trudged along and trudged along and trudged along.  

While marching, Sammy suddenly had a thought and said, “It’s too bad, that Thomas could not come with us, and he would have so much fun!”
“You heard what Bruno said, Thomas is too pokey!” called out Spike.
“Anyway,” answered Roman, “I’m doing the work here. I can carry it all by myself, we don’t need Thomas!”
“Still, he is a hard worker, and our friend. Maybe he would have liked to come along?” sighed Rupert
“No,” said Roman. “We don’t need him with us, didn’t you listen to Bruno? I’m doing this job!”

The group finally stopped walking as they had arrived at the place, marked with an “X” on the map. Binnie and Corinna soared high above the city houses watching for strangers, while Roman eyed the enormous bag, set inside a large metal can.

“This is it!” said Roman, in a very excited whisper.
“SH-SH-SH-SH,” said Sammy, all the while jumping up and down in delight. “Someone might hear us!”

It was dark outside now, the only light came from the houses, along the tree-lined street. They were at the end of a very long driveway. Roman got a grip on the large can while he carefully began to climb slowly upward. He grasped the middle of the big handle and up, up he went. As he was nearing the top, to remove the lid and look inside, the great big container suddenly began to SWAY… BACK AND FORTH, BACK
AND FORTH, THEN  IT TIPPED OVER!!!

“Look out, look out,” shouted Rupert.
“It’s falling, it’s falling!” shouted Sammy.
Sure enough, the enormous tin toppled over with Roman now lying underneath it. The bag opened up and pieces of food started to spill out all over the street!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Special Spotlight : Fiction Writing by author Karleene Morrow

Dear friends,

Today blog Wonderworld is going to feature a very special book on fiction writing skills for authors. This book talks about some extremely valuable suggestions and insights on how to write an interesting and successful fiction novel. The book is titled FICTION WRITING by author Karleene Morrow who is an ace fiction novel author and has quite a few award winning books to her credit. 

Her fiction novel DESTINIES was a semi-finalist in Kindle's Best Indie Books of 2012 and is in competition now in another major contest.
 

From the author's desk (about the book FICTION WRITING) : "This is a no-nonsense, easy-to-read book packed with the nitty-gritty of creative writing; a cut-to-the-chase work that will become your fiction writing bible."


More on the book and the author in this special edition!

                     
        
Fiction Writing - How to write your first novel           Author Karleene Morrow     

Connect with author Karleene Morrow



Follow the author on Twitter : https://twitter.com/KarleeneMorrow


Author Bio : KARLEENE MORROW is the author of the impressive historical fiction novel, DESTINIES. In that epic tale, Catherine seizes the crown of Russia and a thousand miles away a Rhineland boy’s life changes forever. Ms. Morrow holds a B.S. Honors degree, Sociology and an M.S. in Ed Psychology. She lives at the beach in the Pacific Northwest with her Pomeranian dogs, some of them champions, all of them beloved family companions.

Book Spotlight 


Ebook : FICTION WRITING :  How To Write Your First Novel

Author : Karleene Morrow

Genre : Non fiction,  Creative Writing Techniques

Reviews : multiple 5 stars

Amazon Store (Paperback) : http://www.amazon.com/Fiction-Writing-Write-First-Novel/dp/1480298859
Amazon Store (Kindle) : http://www.amazon.com/Fiction-Writing-Write-First-ebook/dp/B00ANXW1EW

Kobo bookstore :
http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Fiction-Writing-How-Write-Your/book-IAJGWf3zYEmkXaQPfAlmXA/page1.html 

This book is also available at Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, Sony EReader Store, Apple iTune store and many other online book stores!

Synopsis :
Wasting no words, the author quickly takes you to the Secrets of writing your first novel, Prologues, Beginning, Middles and Endings, Developing your Style, Writing Memorable characters, Suspense and Foreshadow, Ending your novel and Dealing with Writers Block. She also offers a few words on Rewriting and Publishing.

Chapter Excerpt 
  

Where to start? When a character appears in a novel, we, as writers, must get into that character’s head. We must become him, at least while he is on stage. If there are twenty characters then we’ll have to slip into the persona of each of them. Be the fiancĂ©e while she is in the scene, think like she does, speak as she would. Be the gardener. Be the neighbor. 

When creating the character in your reader’s eye, it will be tempting to write something like, “She was exceptionally tall for a woman, close to six feet. She was thin with long fingers and had red hair. Her eyes were hazel and more oval than round. She had a long slender nose and full lips. She was a cautious, non-trusting type.” Sad to say many writers fall into this easy method of describing a character. A better and more effective way is to flesh out the character as the storyline progresses. Have someone else notice or comment on her height. A waitress could stare at her red hair. The character’s own actions and dialogue can let us know that she does not trust people. Develop her as the story moves forward. 

Remind yourself, too, that less is more. Readers bring their own experiences to a novel. The writer can be minimal in his descriptions of a character. The reader will fill in what the writer leaves out and readers will visualize your story people. Interestingly, they won’t all see her the same.


NAMES

Give your characters tags and traits or at least give them to your major characters. We’ve briefly discussed giving your characters names and they’re all going to need one. Maybe not a shopkeeper referred to briefly in the book as ‘the shopkeeper,’ but the rest of them will. You may not know right off what name is right for a particular character even your protagonist. If you feel you have given him the wrong name, you can refer to him by his role or his temperament, such as “Don’t make it your business,” Grumpy said, or Protagonist said or Builder said. At some point you are either going to feel the right name, your character will tell you his name or you’ll go on a Google search looking for a name that will suit him.

While writing Destinies, I was well into the character of the ship captain’s daughter but she wasn’t moving along well for me. I figured out that she was wearing the wrong name. When I changed her name she came alive. After that, whenever she was in a scene, she spoke naturally, acted in accordance with who she was. She played her part and I became the scribe, capturing what she did and said.

If a difficult great-aunt is named Jennifer, she isn’t going to feel right to your readers and she won’t feel right to you, either. You probably won’t find her easy to write. But change her name to Hortense or even Cordelia  and watch her start to take on a life. A sweet, scatterbrained great-auntie named Gertie will most likely have you smiling as you allow her to play her part with hands that flutter around blue hair while she gives off the scents of talcum powder and old lace. 

A word of warning: avoid giving your people sound alike names. You don’t want your female characters to be named Betty, Barbara, Beth, Bonnie and Bernadette. If you read The Brothers Karamazov you probably remember, with agony, the challenge of keeping all the characters straight. Think carefully, too, before you tag your characters with names from highly read books, current or past. It’s difficult to give your characters personalities of their own if you use names like Hermione, Hamlet, Scarlet or Spock.



Friday, January 18, 2013

Book Spotlight : Rakesh's Story (Scattered Ashes Book 1) by author Malika Gandhi

Dear readers,

Today blog Wonderworld is most privileged to present you a very special spotlight about a unique, intriguing, action packed historical fiction novel titled RAKESH'S STORY- Book One of the Scattered Ashes (Epic Saga) written by the exceptionally talented author Malika Gandhi

Author Malika Gandhi is also a book reviewer. To request a review contact her at : http://unicornsreviews.wordpress.com/

What's this Ebook about? 
In the words of the author - This intriguing , thrilling and action packed novel is about a Freedom Fighter's wish to see his country free, a son and a brother's wish for justice.

In this post you will come to know about chapter excerpts from this book, its purchase and review links and about author Malika Gandhi.



DETAILS

Ebook : RAKESH'S STORY (Scattered Ashes Book 1)

Genre : Historical Fiction, Action, Thriller

Author : Malika Gandhi

Publication Date : Just published - Jan 10, 2013

Purchase Links : US Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AZWR8D0


Reviews : 5stars 



Author's Twitter Handle : https://twitter.com/MalikaGandhi

Synopsis : A son, a brother, a friend and a Freedom Fighter.

Mohandas Gandhi has called for the British to Quit India. He has called for supporters; he wants a non-violent transition of power to the Indian man.

When Rakesh heard the call, he wanted in. Joining his fellow comrades in this “war” against the British Raj, Rakesh becomes a Freedom Fighter. Little did he know the pain he would cause his Ma, Babuji (father) and his younger brother, Dev when he chose to go on that march.

This is Rakesh’s story; his struggle against the power of the Raj, his anguish and love for his family but his determination and strength to want to see India win her independence.

Scattered Ashes is a five part series of the struggles five individuals go through from diverse relationships and tears, to finding love and accepting the fate bestowed upon them.


CHAPTER EXCERPT

His eyes flickered to the armed guards, worry etched on his face. The guards adjusted their hold on their rifles, ready to fire on command.


‘Please, be reasonable,’ shouted the officer once more. ‘No decision can be made like this! I can arrange—’ his voice was drowned as the group went into another chant. 

KARENGE YA MARENGE! GO AWAY BRITISH RULE, INDIA WANTS FREEDOM! INDIA WANTS FREEDOM! NO BRITISH RULE! NO BRITISH GOVERNMENT! 


The sound of a gun fire silenced the men.


‘That’s more like it.’ The officer walked back into the building with the guards following.

The shot had attracted a few locals who stood outside the gates, trying to get a look in. The guard was having a hard time telling them to go away. He gave up and sat down on his stool again, popping another betel leaf into his mouth.


‘Now what shall we do?’ said Manoj. ‘Should we chant again?’


‘No, let’s wait,’ said Dilip.


A few minutes later, a car horn hooted and everyone turned to their direction of the gates. A white car stopped outside and the guard immediately began conversing with the man inside. He then opened the gates and the car drove through parking right outside the building. The officer came out to greet the man who was dressed in a khaki-coloured uniform, crisp and neat. His body manner indicated this could only be the General. Did Dilip have it wrong? He was positive that today the General would not be out of his office.


‘The General was not away,’ said Dilip erasing any doubts. ‘This is some kind of ploy.’


The officer and the General spoke in low voices; the officer pointed to the group.


‘Good afternoon gentleman. I am General William Forester.’ The General came to stand a few feet from the men. ‘My officer tells me you have come here, on this fine day to speak to me.’


‘Yes, we have come to voice our views and requests – we want to see changes in our village,’ said Dilip.


‘You were informed, were you not, that an invitation is needed to be permitted entry. I am a very busy man, Mr...’

‘Dilip.’

 ‘Right. The basic fact is that you need to write to my administration team for an appointment. We can then meet properly, have a chat, maybe some chai (Indian tea)?’ The General chuckled at his own joke. ‘You can tell me about your fears then but today I am not available as I have a meeting to attend in a few minutes. So please gentlemen, do excuse me.’


He turned on his heel and walked into the building. The officer followed. It didn’t seem like he wanted to stay in the present company, Rakesh smiled wryly.


‘Cowards!’ Dilip’s eyes blazed. ‘Brothers, begin chanting. We will not go until they hear what we have to say!’


They didn’t need telling twice and once again the chant began. It wasn’t long before the harassed looking officer came out, this time onto the balcony of the General’s office. He waved the chanting down.


‘The General and I have discussed your requirements and he has agreed to grant you an appointment. If you write a short letter to us first, noting your reason for the meeting and our administration team will respond with a suitable date.’


‘Liar!’ Namdev shouted which provoked more angry outbursts. Lighted torches swung above their heads; voices getting angrier and higher. Rakesh felt his heart beat fast; something awful was about to happen.


The officer went back inside and came out with a megaphone. ‘If you don’t leave now, we will have no choice but to call the police. You will be arrested and thrown in jail. This will lead to prosecution, for some of you...’ his eyes rested on Dilip. ‘It could mean something else.’


An ominous silence followed and determination replaced anger. An understanding spread amongst the men. Setting their torches aside, they sat on the hard ground and linked arms.

‘Hold your head up and do not give in!’ Dilip commanded.

‘Gentlemen, this is your last warning. Remove yourselves from the premises,’ said the officer.

No one moved.

‘You leave us no choice,’ he sighed.


Within a few minutes the iron gates opened. Police entered the forecourt; with batons in their hands ready. They circled the group like angry vultures and waited for the signal. The men tightened their hold.

 ‘Will you or will you not leave? This is your last chance,’ the officer said, like he was offering one last request before their execution. No one moved and the officer signaled.


Things began to speed up; to Rakesh, it all moved in slow motion. The police charged, pulling the men’s arms away from their neighbours and half dragged, half threw them away from each other. The batons came down thick and fast; there was no time to run. Bones crunched as the batons cracked on hips, legs and arms. Some fell whilst others fought.


‘Get your filthy arms off me, traitor!’ one of the men shouted.

‘Aagh! Leave me, in the name of God!’ another screamed.

Someone grabbed Rakesh’s arms and twisted them behind his back. The baton crushed his torso and he fell sideways twisting his leg the wrong way. Rakesh screamed. Clutching his leg, he closed his eyes and waited for another blow but it didn’t come. Breathing in and out he controlled the pain...it became very quiet and Rakesh opened his eyes.


Everyone was still and staring in shock at something on the ground. Rakesh tried to follow but couldn’t see, his view was obscured. Spasms crippled him. Gritting his teeth, Rakesh dragged himself closer to the front of the crowd...his breath caught, his heart turned cold. 

There he was, a few yards away from him, his brother and his friend. Dilip lay on the ground, his eyes glazed over and mouth open in a silent scream.

Something snapped inside. He dragged himself closer and grabbed Dilip’s shirt.

AUTHOR BIO 
  
Author Malika Gandhi lives with her husband and two sons in the East Midlands, UK. She is a homemaker and in between caring for her family, she writes her books and dabbles in a little painting too. She loves to experiment with different mediums, such as oils, acrylic and watercolour. 

Malika was born in India but moved to London when she was two, where her father was already settled. She travelled with her mother and brother. 

Malika has lived in London, studied in Southampton and moved to Leicester after her marriage, which is where her husband and his family live. A girl moves in with her in-laws after marriage, at least for a short time.

Malika loves to watch movies, visits art and history museums and is curious about the universe.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Special Spotlight : Thomas and the Lily Pond by author Jane Whiteoak

Dear readers, today's spotlight is about the popular Children's Book titled Thomas and the Lily Pond written by the exceptionally talented author Jane Whiteoak. Please note that Thomas and the Lily Pond will be a FREE DOWNLOAD for everybody for 2 days from Dec 13 - Dec 14, 2012 across all Amazon Stores. Click on this link to go to Amazon book page- FREE BOOK 

Here is a chance to gift your children this exceptional book that tells a wonderful story and enables children to learn what's good and what's right.

Let us read a few thoughts that author Jane Whiteoak has shared with us today.


 

Author Jane Whiteoak                     Thomas and the Lily Pond at Amazon

 Q. Why have you focused your writing in the children's book genres? Who inspired you for your current creative works? What is so special about Thomas and the Lily Pond?

Author's words -  I have placed my focus on children's books and have thus far stayed with that genre. Perhaps in the future, I may writie a book for Young Adults.
 

Nature is a great inspiration, I love animals and often wonder if they could speak what would their experiences and life stories be? My grandchildren are an inspiration to me also, particularly the four year old, as children are so open and honest. They'll say anything and question everything! They're completely uninhibited, which is really refreshing. I really enjoy spending time and engaging in conversation with young children, they've yet to be influenced or judged by societal standards.

I would like to thank the readers for taking the time to read this blog and hope that everyone takes bullying very seriously. If a child is bullied, it leaves an indelible impression on them for the rest of their lives. This can impact self esteem, lack of confidence in people, trust issues and ultimately lifestyle choices. Bullying starts at a young age, I've witnessed it and must say that, I was shocked to see this trait amongst three- five yr. old children!

My goal with "Thomas and the Lily Pond", is to reach young children, so that they may become aware of this behaviour and recognise it, if unfortunately confronted by it, through absolutely no fault of their own.

I thank the readers for taking an interest in this subject and really hope that they see, as described in the book, how peer group pressure can also inadvertently, play a role in promoting a bully to an even higher platform. Perhaps this new generation, through knowledge and awareness can eventually eradicate this despicable trait completely.



Connect with Author Jane Whiteoak



Book Spotlight - Chapter Excerpt and Review links



Ebook : THOMAS AND THE LILY POND

Author : Jane Whiteoak

Genre : Children's Book


FREE DOWNLOAD - DEC 13 - DEC14, 2012 AT AMAZON

Reviews : Multiple 5 stars




  
Blurb : The book is for children ages 4-6 yrs. old. It can be read to the children in a pre-school/ Kindergarten setting by a teacher or relayed to them as a bedtime story by parents or grandparents.

Thomas and the Lily Pond is about a group of happy and very contented animals living in a forest. Their world is turned upside down by the arrival of a huge frog named Bruno. His primary goal is to take over the lily pond as his new home and to manipulate the group of animals through flattery. Since Thomas the turtle, is the sole occupant in the pond, of which the frog desires, Bruno starts to immediately bully the docile hard working turtle.

 Through peer group pressure the other animals, slowly turn on their once beloved friend. His is left all alone, while the others plot, a midnight food heist under Bruno's direction. Chaos ensues, when they arrive back to the forest, as a wild storm erupts and sweeps them all into the rough, swirling waters of the river and the lily pond. Many cannot swim and call out for help as the only one left on shore is Thomas. He does not hesitate to help his friends and attempts a daring rescue.  The most difficult and dangerous one of all to save from drowning is Bruno, the nasty, bullying frog!




Book Chapter Excerpt

Binnie and Corinna flew on ahead, high over the tree tops, keeping a watchful eye on their friends walking beneath them. Spike and Roman led the entire group. Spike was very certain that he could defend them all from any strangers. Roman, also felt very important, as he would be a hero by taking this great big bag, piled to the very top with delicious food.

Sammy and Rupert scurried quickly, marching on either side of the skunk and raccoon. They ran ahead, then back and forth, all the while trying to hurry everyone along. There was enough star light shining through the evening sky for them to see the forest path. They crossed under the berry patch leading to the ditch, and marched along the road.

Princeton was at the very end, as he was much slower than the others. The animals all trudged along and trudged along and trudged along.  

While marching, Sammy suddenly had a thought and said, “It’s too bad, that Thomas could not come with us, and he would have so much fun!”
“You heard what Bruno said, Thomas is too pokey!” called out Spike.
“Anyway,” answered Roman, “I’m doing the work here. I can carry it all by myself, we don’t need Thomas!”
“Still, he is a hard worker, and our friend. Maybe he would have liked to come along?” sighed Rupert
“No,” said Roman. “We don’t need him with us, didn’t you listen to Bruno? I’m doing this job!”

The group finally stopped walking as they had arrived at the place, marked with an “X” on the map. Binnie and Corinna soared high above the city houses watching for strangers, while Roman eyed the enormous bag, set inside a large metal can.

“This is it!” said Roman, in a very excited whisper.
“SH-SH-SH-SH,” said Sammy, all the while jumping up and down in delight. “Someone might hear us!”

It was dark outside now, the only light came from the houses, along the tree-lined street. They were at the end of a very long driveway. Roman got a grip on the large can while he carefully began to climb slowly upward. He grasped the middle of the big handle and up, up he went. As he was nearing the top, to remove the lid and look inside, the great big container suddenly began to SWAY… BACK AND FORTH, BACK
AND FORTH, THEN  IT TIPPED OVER!!!

“Look out, look out,” shouted Rupert.
“It’s falling, it’s falling!” shouted Sammy.
Sure enough, the enormous tin toppled over with Roman now lying underneath it. The bag opened up and pieces of food started to spill out all over the street!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Book Spotlight - Stairlift to Heaven 2 (Further up the Stairlift) by best selling author Terry Ravenscroft

Dear readers, today, we are privileged to present a book spotlight about a best seller bound entertainment and a humorous Kindle book : Stairlift to Heaven 2 – Further up the Stairlift written by author Terry Ravenscroft. This latest release is an extension of its best selling predecessor Stairlift to Heaven that garnered 106 reviews of which 76x5star reviews at Amazon UK.

Author Terry Ravenscroft has 16 books to his credit which are available across all Amazon Stores, some of which like the Stairlift to Heaven series are best sellers in their respective genres.


AUTHOR LINKS : Connect with Author Terry Ravenscroft

Terry Ravenscroft is a well known former scriptwriter to Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd, Alas Smith and Jones and many more top comedians and television shows. He now writes comedy and humorous books.

Author Page at Amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/Terry-Ravenscroft/e/B002P8R1WK

Website : www.topcomedy.co.uk

Twitter Handle : @terryrazz

Facebook page : http://on.fb.me/ukZ78e 

Stairlift to Heaven Series- Book Spotlight

Ebook : STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN 2 - Further Up The Stairlift

Genre : Comedy, Humour, Entertainment

Author : Terry Ravenscroft

UK Amazon :   http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0088NPKKQ

US Amazon :  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088NPKKQ


Reviews : Multiple 4-5stars

Blurb : A further volume chronicling the life of an old age pensioner. As with its 76 x 5 Star Reviews predecessor Stairlift to Heaven those people of non-coffin dodging age should not be put off by this. 

Everyone will be old someday, if they’re lucky, and there are valuable lessons to be learned here in coping with old age, as well as dogs and dog walking, horses, faith healers, gipsies, solicitors, council officials, busybodies and sundry other nuisances, plus advice on hoovering, letter writing, mounting a defence should you be taken to court, coping with being sentenced to Community Service (if your defence, like the writer's, proves to be inadequate), how to get the best of, and avoid the worst of, a holiday in Turkey, what to do should your home be burgled, what to do if your bank has 'good news' for you and lots, lots more.

Written by Terry Ravenscroft, former scriptwriter to Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd, Alas Smith and Jones and many more top comedians and television shows. 


Excerpt from Stairlift to Heaven 2 (Further up the Stairlift) 

April 1 2011. WATER.

It was a dark and stormy night. Actually it wasn’t dark and stormy when The Trouble and I, accompanied by Atkins and his wife Meg, set out for the pub.

But it very soon was. “Just an April shower,” I said, making light of it when it started to rain after we’d been walking for a few minutes.

“More like an April monsoon,” said The Trouble, a few minutes later, when not only had the shower failed to stop but had turned into a downpour.
 

It absolutely lashed down. Our destination, The Fox in the hamlet of Brookbottom, was just a mile away. If it had been ten miles away at the bottom of a lake we couldn’t have been wetter when we eventually arrived there.

For the last day or so the weather had been cold, given the time of year, so it was some consolation that there was a roaring fire in the lounge bar which would allow us to dry our outer garments. When we had placed them on the backs of chairs positioned round the fire a welcome round of drinks was called for.

“What are you having, Razza?” asked Atkins. “The usual?”

I nodded.

He turned to The Trouble. “How about you, Delma?”

“A gin and tonic please, Richard.”

“And for you Meg?”

Atkins’s wife thought about it for a moment. “I think I’ll just have a water.”

On hearing this Atkins just didn’t hit the roof. He went completely through it and a hundred feet up into the air. When he came down, no less apoplectic than when he went up, he shot daggers at Meg and said: “You bloody well will not have a water!”

Meg was at a loss. “Why not?”

“Why not? I’ll tell you why not. Because I’ve just walked through about a million gallons of the bloody stuff, that’s why not. I’m soaked to the skin with water. And you think I’m going to buy it? Well you’ve got another think coming!”

“That’s not water, it’s rain,” scoffed Meg.

“And where do you think water comes from?” said Atkins, like a ratty teacher addressing the class dunce.

Meg ignored his sarcasm. “Besides, it’s a mineral water I want. Buxton Water.”

“It probably is from bloody Buxton.” Atkins could have been right; the spa town of Buxton is only about ten miles to the south east as the crow flies and the wind was blowing hard from that direction.

“Yes but it won’t have minerals in it, will it?” Meg pointed out, as intent on getting her water as Atkins was to deny it her.

“Then I’ll piss in it for you,” said Atkins

Meg’s pained expression indicated that this wasn’t an addition she would welcome. An impasse having been reached The Trouble entered into the conversation. “What will you be drinking, Richard?”

“Not bloody water,” said Atkins.

“What then?”

“A pint of bitter.”

“Beer is ninety per cent water,” said The Trouble, matter-of-fact.

Meg shot a smug, triumphant smile at her husband.

“I’ll have a Scotch then,” said Atkins, and said to Meg: “So you can take that superior grin off your face.”

“Spirits are the same,” said The Trouble. “Ninety per cent water. If you have either beer or whisky you’ll be ninety per cent as guilty of drinking water as Meg is.”

At this point I had a King Solomon moment. “Why don’t you,” I said, addressing myself to Meg, “have a pint of bitter, but just drink ninety per cent of it?”

Then to Atkins I said: “And why don’t you have a pint of bitter and just drink ten per cent of it?”

Atkins had a Gordon Ramsey moment. “Why don’t you fuck off one hundred per cent and mind your own fucking business?”

In the end Meg had to go to the bar and buy her own water. Atkins told her he hoped it choked her. A couple of hours later, watered, if that’s an appropriate expression given the circumstances, our clothes dry again, we emerged from The Fox. It was still raining but not nearly as fiercely as it had been when we arrived there. The wind was still coming from the direction of Buxton. I thought of suggesting to Meg that if she walked along with her mouth open she could get some free Buxton Water but decided against it in case it got Atkins going again.
 
****

Amazon UK Reviews

Amazon US Reviews


 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Book Spotlight Part I : The Brett Cornell Mystery Series by David D. D'Aguanno

Dear readers, today's book spotlight is a popular detective series with humor and comedy thrown into this interesting mix concoted and created by author David D. D'Aguanno -- The Brett Cornell Mystery Series.

The 5 popular Brett Cornell Mysteries featured today - Read an excerpt from each book posted in this blog along with links to the author's website, purchase links to the bookstore and links to multiple star reviews that the Brett Cornell Series has received.






AUTHOR LINKS : Connect with author David D. D'Aguanno




Twitter handle: @DaveDAguanno




THE BRETT CORNELL MYSTERY SERIES- book features and excerpts

Ebook : BRETT AEROBICIZES (Brett Cornell Mystery#2)

Genre : Mystery, comedy-mystery

ISBN (print format): 978-1470005375

Formats: Kindle, Nook, Paperback


CreateSpace paperback: https://www.createspace.com/3786598



Reviews : 4-5stars

Blurb : A man is found dead with a bullet hole in his chest, and private detective Brett Cornell is the #1 suspect.

It might have something to do with the fact that there were witnesses who had seen him punching the guy around only a few days earlier. Or -- more likely -- it might be because the police have discovered that the fatal bullet had been fired from HIS gun!

In the second novel of this detective series set in the late 1980s, self-proclaimed unscrupulous bastard Brett Cornell has to figure out who's trying to set him up:Could it be his lovely but meek new client? Or perhaps her equally lovely but far from meek room-mate? Or might it actually be the beautiful and dynamic aerobics instructor he's recently taken up with?

In the meantime, Brett's legendary Adonis-like features get severely damaged when he ends up catching the beating of his life -- emotionally as well as physically -- before he finally nails the identity of the real killer!


Excerpt from BRETT AEROBICIZES (Brett Cornell Mystery#2):

   
There was a kind of wheezing sound as Ginger let out some air through her nostrils, and then she followed me as far as the bedroom, where I stopped and turned around towards her when she reached out and touched my arm.
     “Hands off, babe,” I said to her in a tight-sounding voice, and after backing off from me, she told me that if I should happen to bring Marilyn into “our” bed, it would constitute the end of our entire relationship.
     “When you move out,” I replied, walking the rest of the way on into the bathroom,” do like Karen did, and clear all of your feminine paraphernalia out of here before Marilyn moves in and takes over.”
     By the time I finished that sentence, I was already in the bathroom, leaning in a trifle towards the mirror as I thought I saw a couple of hairs of my mustache slightly out of alignment with all the others. I expected Ginger to dart right in there after me, but she took me a little by surprise because it was almost a full sixty seconds before she came in, and even then, she only leaned against the door-frame and crossed her arms in front of her to put her hands on opposite shoulders.
     I’d been concentrating just then on the important task of straightening out the old mustache, but for one moment, when I took a real quick glance at her reflection standing behind me, I said to myself,” God! Is she beautiful!” – But it was just that one moment, and then reality came rushing back into my brain as I heard her begin to speak, looking down at the floor as she did so.
     “When you asked me to move in with you last Friday, I didn’t realize that you were intent upon inflicting all sorts of mental punishment upon me – but I made up my mind that I would put up with it as long as I possibly could, because I – Well, never mind that.” She paused to lower her head even more, and then she went on,” I have never been treated so horribly by a man, and yet, I don’t know what to do – to please you, Brett –“
     Feeling restless, and instinctively telling myself that I needed to escape the discomfort I was beginning to feel, I walked on past her, and her body made room for me to get through the doorway as I did so. Then I retrieved my pack of Marlboros from the top of my bureau and put it in the front pocket of my shirt. Seeing that she continued to face into the interior of the bathroom, with her hands still grasping her two arms, I said to the back of her,
     “Don’t even try it.”
     “Try what?” she immediately asked me, still without turning around and facing me.
     “You know what you’re trying to do to me, and I’m telling you to knock it off.” Then I deliberately paused, just to give her enough time to respond to what I’d just said if she felt so inclined, but since she didn’t, I went ahead and told her,” You know why I asked you to move in. It was to spite Karen. That’s all. So, just ‘cause I’ve been letting you sleep here for the past week, don’t get any stupid ideas in your head about – Just don’t, O.K.? Things are the way they are – ‘cause that’s the way they are.” And then, cursing at myself for talking gibberish, I set my jaw more firmly and continued relentlessly,” You know as well as I do that all I have to do is say the word, and Marilyn will move right in and take your place, and then, for all I care, you can go soak your sad self in a hot basin somewhere on Skid Row.”



Ebook : BRETT ALWAYS WINS (Brett Cornell Mystery#3)

Genre : Mystery, comedy-mystery

ISBN (print format): 978-1470098346

Formats: Kindle, Nook, Paperback


CreateSpace paperback: https://www.createspace.com/3801789 


 Reviews : Multiple 5stars

Blurb : According to the police report, the attractive, blue-eyed blonde had been shot to death in her apartment at around 7:30 p.m. Then how was it possible that nearly 50 people saw her dining and dancing at a nearby club over 3 hours later?

Set in the late 1980s, the third Brett Cornell novel finds the studly private detective surrounded by the usual bevy of beautiful women, as well as a few seedy characters who foolishly decide to butt heads with the supreme unscrupulous bastard himself.

But Brett's road to victory isn't easy, especially when he receives a frantic call for help which leads to his being severely beaten right outside his office building and, later, being held and threatened at gunpoint.

Soon, bullets start flying, fists start flying -- and even a sledgehammer is used -- in one of the most violent cases of his career, before Brett finally wins!



Cute little Paula Marshall came walking towards me in the parking lot, and she offered me a feeble smile when she came close enough to touch.
    “Well, it’s done, I’ve got the money,” she announced, although she didn’t look any too happy about it. For my own part, I wasn’t exactly ready to bust out singing the Star-Spanish Banner either. For one thing, I didn’t even know the words, and for another thing, my singing voice ain’t exactly at the same level as Burt Baccarat’s or that Deaf Leopard guy, to name just two of the best country-and-western singers you’d ever care to listen to! But I did manage to put a big smile on my face upon hearing the great news about the money finally being just a little itty-bit closer to being put in my own bank account.
    “Make sure it’s all there before we drive out of the parking lot,” I advised her.
    “Do you think somebody might try to rob us?” she asked me, suddenly all a-tremble.
    “Nah, I just wanna make sure you’re not trying to rip me off, that’s all,” I said to her, then I chuckled good-naturedly and told her,” What I meant to say was, ’We wanna make sure Donna Ruby don’t think we’re trying to rip her off, that’s all.’”
    Whether she believed me or not didn’t really matter a whole lot, as far as I was concerned, so we got back in the car, and Paula proceeded to direct me to the address she had found out on her own as being that of the woman named Donna Ruby who she had every reason to believe was ruining her pathetic little life. And so, just to convince me one more time that she was one totally mixed-up gal, the first thing she said to me when we stepped out of the car upon our arrival at Donna Ruby’s apartment building was: “Do I look all right?”
    “Not bad, considering you’re about to make an ass of yourself,” I told her, then hurriedly corrected myself since I was probably pushing my luck to its absolute limit,” That is to say, ‘Not bad, you can pass yourself off as a highly respectable woman who sincerely wants to save her marriage at any cost.”
    “Why, thank you, Brett,” Little Miss Clueless replied, smiling faintly. “It was very nice of you to say that.”
    Yup, I told myself. She definitely wants me to make mad and passionate love to her. They all do.





Ebook : BRETT GETS HAMMERED (Brett Cornell Mystery#5)

Genre : Mystery, comedy-mystery

ISBN (print format): 978-1475097184

Formats: Kindle, Nook, Paperback


CreateSpace paperback: https://www.createspace.com/3834938


Reviews :  Multiple 4.5-5stars

Blurb : The beautiful and alluring Tammy Rankin and her brother Andy were positively grief-stricken when their well-to-do father died of a fatal heart attack.

In fact, their grief was intensified when they realized that their young stepmother stood to inherit his vast fortune -- that is, unless they could somehow suggest foul play and pin a murder rap on the woman, notwithstanding her probable innocence.

They obviously needed to enlist the services of someone who was totally devoid of any amount of scruples whatsoever.

A perfect cue, then, for the entrance of self-proclaimed unscrupulous bastard Brett Cornell who -- as expected -- is instantly attracted to the prospect of getting his own greedy hands on a portion of the Rankin inheritance -- and on the lovely Tammy Rankin herself!

However, will his unscrupulous nature alone, coupled with his stunning Adonis-like features, be enough for him to pull it off? -- especially when he's been spending the last few months of his life in a state of almost constant inebriation?
 



The man gave out a short laugh, and then he looked down briefly at the floor beneath where he was standing, before looking back up at me and saying,
     “You certainly seem in better spirits than you were in the last time I spoke with you – and I’m glad of that. But I don’t know, Brett. I keep thinking and keep hoping that someday real soon you’ll trust me enough – maybe even like me enough – to open up and tell me why you had that falling out with that beautiful young woman you were seeing at the time of your bout against Gil Bailey – if only to make me understand how you could throw away something so precious –“
     “Stop right there, Joe!” I told him, holding my right hand straight out in his direction, palm facing out. “You don’t know what I know – or what I think I know – which I know don’t make no sense, but –“ and I had to stop myself as the realization came upon me that I was entering the kind of emotional territory that I’d always found to be completely alien and even hostile to my basically unscrupulous nature. Luckily, however, Raff didn’t give me any more time to stumble all over myself as I was starting to do just then, as he came to the rescue (so to speak) by saying to me,
     “You’re right, of course. There’s a lot I don’t know about this situation, and about what you were led to believe or suspect or whatever – but what I do know is this: There’s a young woman involved here who’s wasting away emotionally, who’s confused and scared and just about ready to give up, and I would consider it a horrible sin if I didn’t at least make an attempt to remedy the situation for her – and for you, too, of course -- in any way that I could.”
     I had originally planned on taking a nice brisk shower and then high-tailing it on over to Miss Lola Buchanan’s where I was fairly certain I’d be greeted warmly and tenderly. She, so far, had impressed me as being a really sweet and gentle young thing –
     But she wasn’t Ginger.
     Then, while I simply sat down on the wooden bench that ran parallel to the row of lockers I’d just been standing in front of, I kept my lips closed and looked down at my feet.
     And Joe Raff placed a hand on one of my shoulders and told me,
     “All I can tell you is this, Brett: I could be wrong, but -- I’ve always believed that the sincere and passionate love of a beautiful woman can transform a man’s life and his soul in a truly miraculous way.  Just give that some thought, would you please?”
    He didn’t say anything else after that, and he increased the pressure of his hand upon my shoulder – just a tad – without me even shaking it off me as I normally reacted whenever a man put his hands upon me, uninvited.
     And so, I just sat there for several minutes, even after Joe had left, and I can’t even recall exactly what it was I was either thinking or feeling at that time. But I can state with absolute certainty that I was NOT thinking about Lola Buchanan – and our date that evening never did take place.
     And I can’t even offer a rational explanation as to why it happened that way. 


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